The season of silence.

An unsettling unravelling waits in silence; it beckons in stillness, it asks for consent...

I didn't want to... I knew I had to... The banter in my soul continued until finally I surrendered.

Tentatively taking her hand I was spun into a spellbinding trance.

The melancholy music of my soul was finally felt by my entire being. I wanted to let go, but her hold was too tight. Her eyes locked with mine.

My Shadow.

My knees crumbled.

My heart finally felt the deepest recesses of my soul.

I heard her sing...

I was entranced.

In humble submission, my pain was finally heard, finally felt, finally known.

She let me go.

It has been quite a time since I've last scribed - this dance is my excuse.

Coerced into silence, my past has taunted, it's haunted... I've wanted to hide - from everything and everyone. I've tried to, but I've learnt that this game of Hide and Seek is not as amusing as I once knew it to be...

Hiding in a world of my creation, seeking the art of meditation, immersed in philosophical findings, finding myself bound by constant reminders of my past, my present... of life... it has been anything but easy.

I've sat under ancient trees, I've joined circles by the sea connecting with likeminded personalities - the search has been endless, if only I'd stopped to look within.

In it all this Seeking Soul has been anything but settled!

In saying that, I've found I cannot stop... I've had to keep searching.

My face may say otherwise, that all is fine. The newly completed manuscript may scream achievement, it may have been completed in record time, but my soul has remained drenched in sadness; wanting nothing more than to be filled, satiated.

My therapist gave me a book to go through. Yes I did say therapist. The acknowledgement of needing help is humbling, but it is true.

SO, she gave me a book. I didn't like it. I still don't, but I know I'll gain from it. Reading and answering the questions posed, I've been challenged to pause in the pain, to truly feel it. I really don't like that. Trying to pry open the locked door my heart to remember, to really remember, to finally let go... it is much easier said than done, most times I'd prefer that that door remained locked and closed for forever...

Character building they call it!

The truth is, it is character building... Allowing the ultimate unravelling to happen in my soul so a solid foundation can finally be established... It's painful but I know it's necessary.

The patterns from my past need to cease and a restructured framework needs to be established. It will be, in time.

My tomorrow will not mirror my today.

Actively choosing to dance with my Shadow. Abiding with her until she feels loved, until she's heard, until all that's bound her untangles.

She will be silenced no more.

She will be loved.

My Shadow...

Me.